This is the time in which I have to get my shit together and really think about stuff, now that I'm going back to school
Like will I actually get a job on campus or somewhere close to my house? Am I sincerely going to balance the time between reading stuff I want to read versus reading stuff I don't but I have to to succeed in my courses-or will the effort fizzle into nothing after a good two weeks or so?
I'll tell you this, I'm not a good adult. I need the FIRM HAND of a friend who can spare their time corraling this dumb bastard into getting off his ass to do something with himself-I mean you got a girlfriend who's not going to hold your hand and you can't expect her to do so anyways, right?
It's pretty rude actually, and I think it's kinda the reverse of beating up your loved one in a fit of male chauvinism. But more insidious, because you're taking advantageous of their sympathies to coddle you cause you're just "baby" and not a functional person who can but just doesn't have the motivation to do "stuff."
And the stuff you did do, you have to second-guess yourself on the type of shit you've been doing because the people you want to impress are not impressed with it which in turn causes you to stab yourself inward before trudging on because you're too much of a pussy to take the knife and-woah okay okay okay.
Edgy. Veryyyyyyyy edgy.
Listen, I got it good right? Technically I'm part of that middle strata of petite-bourgeoisie in the imperial core that benefits from imperialist spoils and I can hear people immediately saying "hey man don't say stuff like that-your feelings are valid!" And that's such a nonanswer ya know? Cause it's not a deep, scientific interrogation of who I am or what class I belong to more specifically!
To be fair, this is something that either my therapist or myself have to do-probably me because I can't afford a therapist and those therapy apps seem weird to me
But no yeah, unless there's an immediate crisis such that my family can no longer afford to pay the mortgage and we end up renting apartment spaces on top of just losing their jobs-I can chuck myself into a relatively okay office job where I can get a wage that will allow me to live uh, alright (well unless that becomes automated sometime in the future).
So a little bit of a time skip, like 5 or 6 minutes after I typed out this anxiety-post, I browsed some stuff on youtube and I found a video that's a remake of the lost AWOG Episode Creepypasta1, "The Grieving."
Admittedly it was one I already watched, but I was more impressed that Lukinspire took the original episode plot (which was just the parent's reaction to their children's horrific deaths and other spoopy stuff) and made it into an actual story. What I mean by that is that the mysterious murderer who was more of a force of nature than a character in the reimagined creepypasta-which in the original plot served as just the expression of an undisclosed sick murderer/animator with a power-fantasy-is an actual character in this lost episode. Like, he has a presence in this cartoon-one that is determined to be acknowledged by Nicole and only Nicole-everyone else be damned.
The psychodelic-death dream bit, the change of perspective between a crying mother and her terrified children in their last moments, and the structured nature of this lost creepypasta episode-I mean. Benjamin Bocquelet in this story isn't the poor S.O.B. who made a joke episode about his grieving coworker with his crew, in this story it seems like he wanted to try for a serious, "adult" episode of AWOG.
Though, I feel like maybe the hijacking element of this new story would work if there wasn't such a disconnect between what we see earlier before the revised episode begins-with the whole demonic Nicole and shadow horned beings thing. There's nothing like that in the original pasta, and it doesn't seem to serve anything beyond telling you "hey this is a hijacker, he wants to do the spoopy to your kids, blegh!" If there has to be an indication that the tv channel is being hijacked, maybe have it lose signal or have it fizzle out a little bit of the episodes before the pasta episode-the meat of this story is the pasta episode itself.
Though keep the AdultSwim segment, that's hilarious!